KILL OR CARE

Despite what the mass media, government and corporations are saying, the real question before all of the United States right now is if we can set aside our differences long enough to stop our government from committing one of the worst atrocities mankind has ever witnessed.  It is happening all around us and to us.  Every day, a brother or sister, father or mother, friend or lover is gunned down with impunity.  We stand by watching empty houses mere moments from a homeless person without even a bed.  I’ve seen hungry children sell candy bars for under-privileged youth across the globe.  The problem is that if we don’t snap out of this apathy and separatism, we are complicit in our own demise.

For those that are reading this with utter disgust for the examples listed above, I make no apologies for the tone of this essay.  We, the people, are being slaughtered by our own country, for a pittance.  A pittance.  Nothing more than a line in a ledger.  While they slither around DC guarding their cash cow. 

There is no other way to interpret their agenda.  In the last century, they have managed to manipulate us into relinquishing our civil rights, poison our food supply, poison our air and our water, the FDA approves medicines that do more harm than good, taken our children from their families to indoctrinate them into the system, strip them of the knowledge to survive without government, limit our ability to travel, live a self-sustainable life, provide for our own defense, legislate us all the way from the bedroom to the bathroom and selling our freedom for top dollar on the open market.  The only thing that really jumps out is the callous nature with which this has been meted out.  It sends a very clear message that our government is intent on eliminating a large portion of it citizens.

That’s right.  I said it.  Our government is actively engaged in the murder of its citizenry.  My risk of death by possible “suicide” by two bullets in the back of my head just increased by a billion but someone for fuck’s sake has got to say it.  We can’t stop it, if we don’t know what it is.  It is imperative that we stop it.  I don’t know about anyone else but I have had enough of seeing our friends, family, neighbors, all of us suffering at the hands of this sadistic administration. 

It doesn’t matter who you voted for, or if you even voted.  It doesn’t.  It never did.  We are all slated for removal and if this does not cause a coming together moment for all, then we deserve our deaths at the hands of our government. 

Kill or care, that is the question before our congress, now.  So, what will it be folks?  Are you actively engaged in the murders of your constituency or are you ready to stop and give the rest of us our voices back?  Aren’t you tired of betraying humanity?  And the biggest question of them all: are you willing to bet everything you have on the continued apathy of us?

Please keep in mind that I hope my American family will remember how strong we really are together and that any legislation outside of returning the stolen money from social security, healthcare for all, return of the stolen money from the pentagon, ending all foreign conflicts immediately, bringing back the EPA, Planned Parenthood, living wages for ALL, increased taxes on the wealthy, increased government transparency, complete return of all constitutional rights, return of Glass-Steagall, free college for all, taxation of churches, separation of church and state, term limits, congressional pay cuts, and tying congressional salaries to that of the average wage of their district, will be what I consider an act of war against this country. 

No one really need worry about me.  I’m a broke as shit 45-year-old woman with crippling RA, rotting teeth, no access to health care, so I have already been pre-selected for a long torturous extraction and haven’t the strength to carry out violence.  I also firmly believe that violence is not going to fix this.  Compassion is.  Compassion is the answer.

Right now, there are millions just like me.  We were the ones that were just one catastrophe away and as luck would have it, we got a handful.  We need to see that if we step out of our cages and love our neighbors, grow a garden, raise chickens, raise a pig or two, maybe even goats.  This system is meant to chew us up and spit us out.  We do not need it. Step away from the system. It is killing us for real.  We can do this.  Most of us just want to be happy and healthy with friends and family surrounding them.  Let’s grow our families into compassionate groups that care for each other without the need for our own violent oppression. 

Kill or care, it really is that simple.  This is a call to action.  This is a call to life.  This is a call to love.  We must awaken as a mass citizenry that will no longer tolerate their oppression.  They may kill me but there are many more.  Nurses, take back your hospitals.  Doctors, invest in the health of your local community.  Teachers, take back your schools and make them a hub for the community that surrounds you by educating everyone to live for each other.  Citizens, take back your cities and rebuild the infrastructure to work for all.  We have the power to make money obsolete.  Then where would those people, whom are trying to gather it all for themselves, be able to go.  They are banking on our apathy to ensure our destruction.  Wake up to the truth and stop this mass genocide. 

Celeste’s Suicide

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Celeste awoke in a pool of sweat and desperation.  She just couldn’t get normal.  She scrambled through her purse maybe she had a bump or something.  She could feel her skin crawl and her stomach wretch.  She needed something, anything.  She looked through Paige’s medicine cabinet for an end to her suffering.  Her heart was heavy with shame and guilt.  Celeste’s hands shook, more than she had ever experienced before.  Sweat poured from every pore on her body like a faucet on full blast. 

“I can’t do this anymore!  I’m nothing more than a worthless abomination.”  She fell to the floor and began to wretch.  Her entire body racked with pain and twisting into a physical representation of her emotional turmoil.  “This is intolerable, I can’t . . .” her thoughts interrupted by the volatile force of her stomach muscles twisting inside her body, pushing up through her chest, adding the esophagus to the chain of torture she was enduring.  Each spasm more forceful than the last evoking nothing until culminating in a burst of laughter and tears.

Her red satin negligée was growing increasingly tight and uncomfortable.  It was full of sweat, tears, stomach acid and urine.  Celeste was becoming increasingly aware of her odor.  She grasped the bowl of the toilet and pulled herself to stand at the sink.  She ripped at her nightie and pulled it off of her sweat soaked, trembling body.  She regarded her reflection as it morphed into her mother.

“You’re nothing but a no good piece of shit!  Look at you!  You’re nothing!  Big ungodly, unadulterated abomination.  Look at you!  I swear I should’ve aborted you! God didn’t have a thing to do with creating you!  Dumb fucking god damned slut!”  Her mother screamed at her from the mirror.  “I know what you are!  You couldn’t hide it from me or God!  Soon everyone will know you are a fucking queer ass slut!  Everyone!  Everyone!  Everyone . . .” 

Her mother’s voice ringing in her ears as she stumbled from the bathroom to the living room.  She had to have something in her purse that could bring this to an end.  Even a small X pill might bring her some relief.  Anything, something, whatever she could find.  There had to be something that could get her out of this hellish moment in time for her.  Her desperation made every second feel like an infinite dark hole and it made it terribly difficult to search through the disaster that was her purse.  Tired of searching without relief, she flung the bag to the floor and with a clang the solution presented itself in the form of a shiny metal 22 caliber handgun. 

Celeste finally saw her liberation shining brightly on the floor.  She took in a deep breath, and picked up the gun.  Her tremors ceased and lucidity resided with her for the first time in her life.  She walked over to the counter in the kitchen, took the legal pad and pen next to Paige’s answering machine and began to write.

Uncy and Aunty,

I’m sure that this all matters so little now but I need to live. I can’t be a slave to your idea of me.  I gotta remove myself from this small, meek, redneck bullshit.  Your place was a refuge for me. No doubt but that refuge became a prison.  You know how you wonder about people who have been in your life when they aren’t there anymore.  I know that you were the only ones that would wonder for me.  Now, I don’t have that. The only time the rest think of me is when they think I’m off of my meds.  I’m not syrupy sweet like Penny & Anne. They were your children. I’m a flame adopted by a family of logs.  I know you did your all for me despite the fact I’m not what you believe I am.  I hate teaching.  The kids are ungrateful, smelly, fucking avatars of their parents. I can’t do that shit.  I hate church because I’m a broken abomination according to your “good book.”  I hate the zombie pills.  They zap the flavor from my life.  I want to live God damn it! Your expectations of me don’t exist.  It is killing me to disappoint you, but you’re gone now. I’m gone, too.

See you in the funny papers.

Celeste

She watched as her tears mutated her words into explosions of bright bluish green fireworks on the yellow paper.  She placed the pen on top of her final words and delicately kissed the barrel of the small handgun Todd had given her for protection.  With one deep breath she squeezed the trigger, adding small pieces of herself to the mosaic of colorful fireworks on the pad.